


caged bird

by bokutoma



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: I'm so sorry, Multi, alternate title: a rat touches my son and the trojans will not stand for that, but i hate myself so there's angst, but oh boy my son kevin day is in for it, but the more adult-y adults, focused on jerejean but also i love angst so, i'm keeping angst away from my girls if i can help it, including self harm and other unhealthy behaviors, it's a singing au, jerejean, mostly i just wanted jean to sing buy me diamonds, tetsuji is evil simon cowell basically, the adults are judges, there's a whole lotta mental illness type stuff going on, well they're all adults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:29:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoma/pseuds/bokutoma
Summary: jeremy knox is good at singing, to say the least. it's something that he's always loved to do, and he was blessed with a voice to match his passion. of course, this passion wavers slightly when he realizes he has to enter under the tutelage of tetsuji moriyama if he wants to make anything of himself, but there's also david wymack, known for his kind if strict manner. he should be fine, right?jean moreau is good at singing, to say the least. this, of course, is why he is spat upon and treated like trash by the members of his house, the ravens, in the legendary musical academy EXY (the musical academy of EXcellence Yearlong), because he is merely good. the ravens won't tolerate mediocrity, so jean has learned to hate singing with everything he has despite clinging to it for survival.perhaps salvation will come to him in the form of jeremy. with riko furious over the loss of his duet partner, he just might be distracted enough to let jean slip through the confines of his cage.





	1. auditions

jean should not be this nervous.

he  _knows_ this, and yet he can't stop himself from shaking, riko's promise _(threat)_ ringing in his ears despite the man not having been anywhere near him in the past hour.

 _you_ will  _make it into the top division this year,_ he had hissed, hot, damp breath sending a shudder down jean's spine.  _you will make it, or so help me, you will be dead in a ditch within an hour of the results being up. i will_ not  _tolerate more than one disappointment from this house, from my ravens, and unfortunately for you, day has already filled your usual spot, so you will place in the top division this year or risk every measly crumb you've ever been given._

his nails bite into his palms, and he hopes that the bloody crescents will prove to be suitable distraction from the roiling feeling in his gut. just ahead of him in the EXY placement schedule is another raven, this one fresh meat. from tetsuji's face alone, jean bets that the raven will place no higher than third division.

of course, he recognizes that look because it's the same one he had gotten when he had been sent here, the slave of some hellish contract that pledged him to the moriyamas. he had heard riko and kevin practice for their auditions, and he had been confident that he could do just as well as them.

that had been a foolish assumption on his part. after all, his surname was moreau, not day or moriyama, and therefore not synonymous with greatness. he had barely skated into third division, two from the bottom and two below where he should have been as a branded man. sometimes jean thinks that the only reason he even made it into third to begin with is the compassion of betsy dobson, one of the four judges, and her innate ability to read the desperation in people's eyes  _(not that he was doing a good job disguising it)_. from there, in his spring semester, he had risen to the top of third division, but still wasn't quite good enough to reach second division. The next year brought a fresh wave of applicants, and with that, jean sunk back to the middle of third.

finally, by spring of that second year, he had made it into second division by the skin of his teeth, feeling the pressure placed on his shoulders by riko's severe beatings and tetsuji's cunning looks. kevin had privately tutored him whenever he could, though that was rare, since riko was consumed by him. for riko to ask him to jump a whole division was ridiculous, but it would be stupid of him to expect a reasonable request from riko, especially now that kevin had jumped ship and moved to the house of the foxes.

jean should not be this nervous, but he  _is,_ and he's trying his best not to be, to keep calm when it's t minus one minute until he has to perform but he can do this  _he can do this_ and the new raven is walking offstage now, unreasonably proud of his lackluster performance. jean sneers at him, embittered by his innocence. 

david wymack, head of the foxes _(those damned foxes)_ leans forward into the microphone. "next up," he begins, and jean hates his smooth, mellow voice, hates how comforting it is. "we have jean moreau, third year raven. jean, you're up."

jean strides onto the stage with the elegant, precise step drilled into every raven worth anything, back straight and mouth grim as he takes his place in front of the microphone. he doesn't say anything, doesn't need to, and he knows that this will win him points with tetsuji even if the other judges find it awkward. he doesn't mind. tetsuji is the only one he needs to impress, anyway. the others will give him good scores based on singing alone. the ravens aim for the full performance. 

jean glances at the man on music duty today, a fox that looks as though he'd be better suited to ruling as a raven, with daggers in his gaze and hidden beneath his armbands. wordlessly, he hits play, and the music spills forth from the speakers, reverberating through his body as he grips the mic and starts to sing.

 _"you made me feel so unwanted_  
_made the decision to leave you behind_  
_you say you've changed and you're sorry_  
_but i don't wanna know"_

his voice is husky, deep as he nails the mood of the song, the bags under his eyes only adding to the realism of the performance. almost subconsciously, he notes the subtle furrow of dobson's eyebrows, and he wonders if she can pick out the subtle half moons on his palms. it doesn't bother him. he'll take sympathy points just as easily as those he earns on merit. he had lost his pride several years ago.

 _"so give me something i can hold_  
_that i can trust and call my own_  
_and won't run out and leave me cold_ "

there's an unpleasant burn in his chest, his grip on the microphone tightening until his fingers turn white. he wonders if any of the others have picked up on his discomfort, the irony that lies in this song choice. 

 _"give me something that won't tell me lies_  
_won't leave me hanging out to dry_  
_won't fuck me over make me cry_ "

he suppresses the heat that rises in his eyes, hating kevin for persuading him to pick this song. he had always had a knack for knowing songs that jean would connect with. idly, he had always thought that kevin was just good at reading people, but knowing kevin as he does now, as the selfish, desperate, lucky person that he is, he realizes that kevin only understood because he felt the same way. imperceptibly, or so he hopes, a tear falls fast from his face and disappears against the black of the stage.

_"save your love and buy me diamonds"_

he steadies himself as the beat takes over temporarily, grounding himself with the burning feeling of his bloodied palms against the mic. time blurs momentarily as he dissociates anyway, and he hopes to god that hours of practice can get him through this on autopilot. distantly, he notes wymack's foot tapping, abby's parted mouth, tetsuji's calm indifference. 

 _"you know that you can't live without me_  
_got caught in the game that you play with my mind_  
_keep saying you've changed and you're sorry_  
_but i don't wanna know_ "

as he approaches the end of the song, he jolts back into terrified awareness when he notes tetsuji shift subtly. the man is inscrutable, and he can't tell whether that was a calculated gesture. still, he powers through desperately, performing like he's terrified and heartbroken and a colossal disaster, which he is. he's just lucky that it happens to match up with the song.

the outro approaches, and he has time to send a brief prayer to whatever sick god lives above them that he makes it into first division. the bruises on his back pulse in time with the beat. 

 _"you tried to take my light_  
_took me so long to find it_  
_i'm moving on tonight_  
_moving on with my life_  
_you tried to take my light_  
_took me so long to find it_  
_i'm moving on tonight_ "

a brief pause. 

 _"s_ _ave your love and buy me diamonds"_

the music cuts off. silence. 

"jesus  _fuck,_ " wymack says.

* * *

 jeremy should not be this nervous.

after all, he and laila had spent yesterday evening making good luck charms for each other and looking up every ritual to bless them that they could. jeremy had even burned his finger on the match that they had used to summon fire spirits while alvarez laughed and told them that she was the only fire spirit they needed. she was probably right, but he didn't regret it one bit. after all, laila had auditioned thirty minutes ago, lucky charm poking out of her skirt pocket, and she had knocked it out of the park. there was no way she wasn't getting into first division with her killer version of i kissed a girl.

the fact that alvarez had been scheduled next and had planted a kiss on laila's cheek as she exited the stage had probably won her a few points too.

either way, the fact of the matter is that jeremy  _has_ this. he knows he does, but it doesn't keep the fluttering in his stomach at bay. he embraces it though, hopes that he can use it to his advantage as  _yet another_ raven finishes up their performance.

"jeremy knox, third year trojan, you're up next!"

the good cheer in wymack's voice sends a bubble of excitement through him. jeremy lives off of the dynamics between people, and he hopes that this will give him the added push he needs today. he wants to be the top trojan, wants to  _earn_ the respect given to him as head of trojan house. he bounces out, light on his feet as he gives the judges a sunny smile and approaches the mic. 

"jeremy, are you ready?" the voice of abby, head of the trojans, sends a soothing calm through him. if it's possible, he feels even more excited now. it's not necessary for words to be exchanged between the judges and the students during auditions, but abby knows that he likes to connect with his audience before he sings, even if he's already performed for them before.

"always," he replies, shooting her a wink and laughing at his own cheesiness. he turns to see who's manning the music today, and he thinks he recognizes the man as a fox who had outright rejected the idea of being a raven. secretly, jeremy admires him for it, but he's so god awful with names that he can't even remember his, despite being the subject of gossip for months. andrew? aaron? something like that.

then the music starts up and everything else starts to fade away for him. he bobs his head to the beat, a smile overtaking his face as he enjoys the feeling that comes with doing what he loves.

 _"you’re not twenty and detached now_  
way too easy to push your chest out  
well, i’ve been watching you  
from way across the room  
i like the way your body moves"

now he's dancing, swaying from side to side and feeling the beat as he fights the smile that threatens to overtake his singing.

_"but i won’t let you down  
i said that i won’t let you down"_

he freezes momentarily, waits for the beat to drop...

the beat drops and he takes the mic from the stand, tipping his head back with a blissful expression as he dances along to the music. here he is in his element,  untouchable, and he's never felt better. 

 _"i wear glasses so that i can see you better_  
i put shoes on so that we can walk together  
late at night when all i see are spinning faces  
i wear glasses so that i can see you better"

he spins around, throwing abby a cheeky wink as he dances across the stage. he's always been dynamic by nature, something that serves him well during performances like these. it's easy for him to feel the music, to lose himself and forget that the audience exists. this has been his greatest strength over the years, the ability to be so open and act as though every performance is a singalong in his dorm with laila and alvarez.

_"i wear glasses so that i can see you better  
i wear glasses so that i can see you better"_

the music stops, and jeremy takes a jaunty bow, waving before exiting the stage.

* * *

 kevin should not be this nervous.

he's been watching these auditions since he was a child. he made first division on his first audition in the program. he's won so many awards from every goddamn competition that he's been able to apply to, and yet he still wants to leave the stage, find a bathroom, and throw up until his vocal chords are scratchy with acid. he's been raised in EXY his whole life, but never without riko by his side, and perhaps that's the reason he feels like he'll melt without his other half by his side.

he doesn't want to rely on riko, doesn't want to crave reassurance from the man that has kept him on a leash for his whole life, but he can't help it. that's the thing about abuse that's been so central to his life: he craves it even though he knows better now. 

now he's with the foxes, and it's almost pathetic how few people reside in their house in comparison to the ravens, but he's never felt so immediately at ease anywhere else. very few people have said a friendly word to him in the time that he's been there, but it hardly matters when he can taste the solidarity that comes from having been through hell and surviving. 

in fact, he'd have to say that, despite the foxes' overall lack of effort when it comes to anything at all, really, he knows that they would never abandon him. too many people had done that to them, and they had sworn not to be like the people that had hurt them.

of course, kevin isn't used to that kind of kindness, so he had managed to find the most unfriendly people among them and find some strange semblance of friendship with them. 

jeremy knox had gone before him, and despite the fact that he idolized the man's dynamic performances, he hadn't quite been able to focus, finding that jeremy's enthusiastic cheer only served to make him feel worse.

kevin day is not a man that should have any reason to be nervous when it comes to something as trivial as this audition, but he  _is,_ and it's upsetting that he's let his emotions get this far away from him, so he waits for jeremy's complete exit before stalking out, somewhere between the ravens' precise step and the foxes' casual indifference. 

already he can feel the heavy weight of tetsuji's gaze resting on him, and it sends a cold shiver down his spine before he makes eye contact with wymack. a different sort of shiver runs through his spine at that look, but it sends a jolt of strength running through him all the same.

it's unnatural for him to say something when he auditions, so he chooses not to. briefly, he wonders if tetsuji will count that as a win, but decides that for this moment, at least, he doesn't care.

he glances over to see andrew manning the music. they stare at each other briefly, holding heavy eye contact, but kevin looks away first. briefly, he wonders if that will always be what he does  _(you're a fucking coward, kevin day)_ and turns to face the judges. the music turns on mere moments later.

none of the judges are surprised when heavy guitar spills from the speakers. he's known for having diverse music taste, but he always returns to punk eventually.

 _"i always ask myself_  
how could this darker cloud make me stronger now?  
i always ask myself  
when will this go away?"

almost against his will, his eyes flicker to tetsuji, briefly enough to ensure that his wandering attention might have escaped the man's gaze. distantly, he remembered that he had picked jean's song for him too and wondered if he had a sick sense of humor. 

 _"when will this change?_  
oh! i don't wanna, wanna wait.  
all of this pain,  
oh! Will it, will it go away?  
i ask myself this everyday."

he closes his eyes, desperate to evade the thoughts that are swirling in his head, distracting him from delivering the best performance that he can. he's nowhere near as good as he was this time last year, but he's still a magnetic enough performer to ensure that he takes top division. 

it's complicated, so he just  _sings._

 _"i just wanna leave this place behind._  
every time i see your face in mine.  
i just wanna leave this place behind.  
every time i see your face in mine."

he opens his eyes again as the chorus finishes, a restorative inhale clearing his vision enough to see the surprise on the judges' faces (minus tetsuji, of course). briefly, he decides that he doesn't want to know what he looks like right now, though he bets it's somewhere between crazed and shattered.  _way to make an impression, dumbass._

again, he lets his gaze wander, knowing that distraction is his best coping mechanism right now even if it detracts from his performance. he sees andrew by the music player, tapping his fingers idly to the music and knows that's probably the best compliment he'll ever get from that asshole.

not that he  _needs_ andrew to compliment him. it would just be nice.

 _"melodies are in my head,_  
keeping me alive from my death.  
i keep singing da da da da da  
i keep singing just to keep myself alive!  
alive, just to keep myself alive."

he drops his gaze, anchoring himself against the steady warmth of the stage lights. there'd be time to think in a moment, but for now he just needed to do his goddamn audition and get off stage before his upper arms started to itch again. 

 _"so, what's your inner thought?_  
you left me high, you left me dry!  
so, what's your life look like?  
just don't fix mine, you're all you got  
you're all you've got!  
you're all you've got!"

the exiting guitar does little to soothe kevin's fraying nerves as the pressure he feels from tetsuji's gaze increases, and he feels as though his chest is caving in. he waits until the music stops, then moves to the exit, just shy of a running pace, as his fingers beg for something more substantial than the biting press of the microphone.

god  _fuck,_ when would he ever catch a break?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha the angst train begins i hate myself  
> i swear jean will have happiness
> 
> this chapter's songs were buy me diamonds by bea miller, i wear glasses by the mating ritual, and keep myself alive by get scared!


	2. placement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which jean gets both welcome and unwelcome surprises, jeremy needs a practice partner, and kevin learns to be a fox

jean is almost desperate not to look at the placements. they've been posted for ten minutes already, so he figures he's also doing everyone a service by not adding to the throng surrounding the papers hastily tacked up to the bulletin boards. just as he thinks this, attempting to justify his fear, he feels the familiar sharp dig of bony fingers against his shoulder. he tenses almost imperceptibly, but by the smug look that taints riko's otherwise empty expression, he knows that his head of house noticed.

"why aren't you checking your placement?" riko asks, an eerie smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "surely you want to know how you placed, if you can be a suitable companion to stand in our dearly departed brother's place."

jean is balanced now, over his initial shock at having riko materialize at his side. "i'm in no rush. i was satisfied with my performance, and i know where i've placed without having to check. i am meant to be a part of your perfect court."

"we'll see," the other man replies, still wearing that hollow grin. "i hope that you're right. i won't stand being disappointed twice."

somehow, in those short moments, the crowd around the scores has already dissipated, and jean finds himself sick with the fear that beats in his ears. riko is still there, however, still watching him, and he has to maintain his composure if only just to spite him.  _you are a part of the perfect court,_ jeans thinks, fingers drumming against his thigh.  _you deserve this more than anyone._

still, when he scans the list, he scans from the bottom up, a force of habit that hasn't quite died yet. fifth, fourth, and he's at least away from the worst of the punishments that he could receive. third is next, and he can't help the shiver that runs down his spine, part of him remembering the lash of riko's fists against his back, his jaw, his face, and the cruel torture that he had been subjected to ( _one two three four five six only six aren't you grateful who's your king_ ), but then it's over, he's not in third, and he's scanning through second two and there is no jean moreau. 

he can't believe it. he's scanning higher and higher and higher and he still hasn't found his name - there it is. in the middle of the the first division, his name, jean moreau. he bites the inside of his cheek to muffle the relieved cry that he's sure will spill from his mouth at any moment. instead, he turns as slowly as he dares, eyes level to riko's as he nods respectfully. "first division, just as you asked of me."

"just as i asked of you?"

" _my lord."_

perhaps he can be a part of the perfect court, really and truly. somehow though, with the smile curling across riko's face like a living entity, he doubts it would be that easy.

* * *

 laila crushes jeremy in a hug practically as soon as she sees the list, so he safely assumes that she's one of the top women, as per usual. 

"good job," he wheezes, smiling as he squeezes her back. "you deserve it more than anyone."

"anyone?" alvarez says, eyebrow arching into an intimidating, regal expression. 

"anyone," he teases back, bringing her into the embrace as well. "thanks for the good luck charm, laila. i'm sure it definitely helped me."

laila giggles, gesturing to the standings. jeremy can barely make out the small lettering from here, but he manages to find his name close to the top, in the top five positions. "it definitely did, jere."

jeremy steps closer, eyeing the list. there are 20 people in division one, but he recognizes most of the names. riko moriyama, kevin day, and jean moreau he has all met personally, and he had spoken to danielle wilds once or twice at banquets. laila and alvarez obviously have taken two more of those positions. from the foxes, he recognizes the names of some of their new lineup, which kevin had shared with him when he switched. neil josten, andrew minyard, mattthew boyd, allison reynolds...even renee walker, who had dropped to second division to work with andrew last year, is back. 

this is going to be a good team. 

he's a part of the second wave of people to check the standings, since he's a trojan, but there's still a raven left over from the previous wave. jeremy separates himself from the girls and nods toward jean. they wave him off with exaggerated smiles and kissy noises, but they know he's just doing his duty as the head of trojan house. just because he had admitted to laila and alvarez once that the only people he'd found attractive (at least in terms of his taste) were kevin day and jean moreau didn't mean that he was only checking him for that reason.

hell, he didn't even  _know_ the guy.

still, he finds himself mildly embarrassed from the girls' teasing as he slips through the crowd to reach the raven boy. 

"congratulations, jean!" he says, smiling warmly at the always tense man. "i bet riko is pleased to see how far you've come."

instead of eliciting the pride that he had expected (maybe even hoped for), jean simply seems to recede even further into himself than normal. "thank you," he says, his voice clipped and precise, as though having his words drawn out would waste his time. 

"what song did you pick for auditions? abby said that she was blown away by your performance, but i'll only get to see them later."

strangely, this seems to make jean perk up, though it seems more like tension in his muscles than any casual interest. "i didn't realize that the house heads get to view the auditions."

jeremy smiles, happy to have gotten at least some kind of reaction from him, at least. "yep! it's a special perk. it helps us figure out how we can best enrich the members of our houses."

strangely, jean looks like he's going to be sick, and he mumbles something like  _oh god i'll be ended for this_ with a panicked fervor that jeremy can't quite understand. impulsively, he reaches out a hand, thinks better of what he was about to do, then waves it to get the other's attention.

"hey, maybe i'll check out your audition first. i'd like to see what had the judges so stunned. depending on what the trojans need work on, maybe i'll use it as an instructional video."

jeremy doesn't quite understand why, but the tension that had drawn up jean's shoulders and marred the smoothness of his forehead disappears. there's suspicion in jean's eyes, but he supposes that's only natural considering that he had just suggested that he use a raven video as instruction for the trojans. 

jean doesn't smile, exactly, but there's a change in his hard gaze when he nods, and jeremy thinks he'll count that as a win.

* * *

 

kevin isn't used to viewing the results last, but he supposes that will be just another thing he'll have to get used to as a fox. after all, they're notorious for being last despite their actually rather impressive, if small, roster. 

if he's honest, he misses the splendor and endless history of achievements that came with being a raven, a legacy that was imposing but not unattainable, at least not for him. if he isn't lying to himself, he misses the atmosphere of the raven's tower when no one was moving, all chill stone and the cool dampness that comes with being the only one awake at dawn. if he isn't lying to his keeper, then he misses the respect that came with being one of the children of EXY, when that was a viable excuse to get what he wanted and push himself further than anyone else was allowed to go.

if he's honest, he almost misses being a raven.

of course, if he were still a raven, he would still be under the care ( _what a shockingly improper word_ ) of riko and tetsuji, the king and the master, and that's something that kevin knows he would not be able to survive again.

still, when faced with the disorganization and chaos of the foxes, he almost begins to contemplate going back.

especially the new kid. neil is his name ( _neil. what a stupid fucking name that didn't fit a boy like him and yet seemed to encompass his identity in its entirety, not that anyone actually knew much about the kid._ ), and kevin can't understand why someone with such obvious talent and who shares his passion for singing could be so incredibly fucking stubborn. andrew minyard, he understands. andrew is probably a psychopath or a lunatic or something even though he took kevin and promised to protect him. neil...neil is a conundrum, and one that would never be tolerated under the ravens.

maybe that's why he finds himself so drawn to him.

kevin is in no rush to reach the results; there are only ten foxes, including him, and he knows that he delivered a quality performance. it's not nearly as good as he would have done last year, but he is kevin day, and kevin day does not deliver anything substandard. 

nicky, however, is chattering away, talking andrew's ear off, and though he usually can't be bothered to pull him out of his stupid messes, kevin would prefer that his guardian  _not_ be imprisoned for murdering his cousin.

"nicky," kevin says, and unsurprisingly, he bounds over. christ, nicky is like a puppy. he supposes it's endearing, but he doesn't have time to think about it. "how do you think you did?"

nicky hemmick averages in the top of the third division every year, but if the foxes are going to be great (and they  _have_ to be, even if they don't know it yet), he needs to do far better. second division is the minimum kevin will take from the rest of his house, even if he doesn't have a choice. if they're not great in number, then they have to be mighty. 

"oh boy," nicky says, and from anyone else, it would have sounded hesitant, but the foxes all know that this is just him gearing up to talk. "i think i did pretty well, actually! i picked despacito as my song, and i'm pretty sure i killed it. i know it's a popular song choice, so before you get your boxer briefs in a twist, just know that i'm positive i pulled it off better than anyone else."

"how the fuck did you know that i wear boxer briefs?"

"it's an easy guess. neil? boxers. matt? briefs. aaron? he thinks briefs are gay, but he doesn't care much either way. he's right, though. i wear briefs."

kevin shakes his head, astounded that nicky could be so fucking smart when it comes to the most inane shit on the planet, but he can't  _fucking practice for shit._

 _god,_ sometimes he really fucking hates the foxes.

he checks the standings as soon as he reaches them, and he is second.

he is second. a part of him flares at this, seethes that he should be first, but it's quickly tamped down by the larger part of him that practically screams in relief. he is second, not first, and that scoring had been far more generous than he deserved. briefly, he wonders who gave him the point boost, then settles on abby as the most likely culprit. she has always been far too sensitive for her own good. 

he turns slightly, interested in seeing his teammates' reactions. dan is proud, as she should be considering she placed in the top five. though he hates to admit it, she deserves to be captain. she has a way with the team that he could only dream of having. andrew says nothing, and again, kevin feels the beginnings of anger coil in his stomach. talent wasted is talent that should go to someone else, but kevin knows that andrew would love signing if he could just fucking try.

but neil...neil is trying to remain aloof, trying to keep his cold air of indifference that he had put up against the rest of the foxes. inside, though, kevin recognizes the familiarly fierce, glowing pride that comes from a job well done. there's passion in neil.

kevin wants to draw it out.


End file.
